I will die if light touches me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
