I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
