i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
