I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
