how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
