A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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