I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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