So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
