You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize