It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
