i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
