forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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