worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
