My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
