nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
