I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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