so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
