At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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