just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
