you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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