You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
