On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
