Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My hand turned me down
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
