420 ftw
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
