I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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