And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
