trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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