Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
