gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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