She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
