me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
