I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
