Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
