I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
