best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
