Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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