she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
