Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
