Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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