Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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