Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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