Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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