What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
