I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
