So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
