apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
