Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
