I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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