Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
