And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
