I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i've created a new STD.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
