Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
