if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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