why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
