i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
