Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.