I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize