You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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