mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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