ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
