I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
