man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
