Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
