I smell stomach acid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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