I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
