Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
