"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
