lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
