oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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