i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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