Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
