i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
