Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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