Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
