Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
