someone get that fucking seahorse.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
