I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
