You're so nebulous sometimes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
