I think my vagina is haunted
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
