Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
