When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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