So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
