Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
