I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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