Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
