i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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