Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
